The Work Week in Quotes

Some weeks are better than others.  But what can turn a bad week into a decent week is the things patients and your co-workers say.

“So is this one of them vibratin’ beds” asked the extremely odd dude being admitted.  “No sir, we don’t have Magic Fingers in the hospital.” replied his nurse.

“So, is he in sinus?” asked the nurse on getting report on a patient who is known to be in atrial fib after being told that the rate is in the 40’s.  “Yes,” replied the other nurse, “he’s in sinus, but it’s really irregular.”  Patient comes up in afib.

And my favorite for the week…

“Sorry, we’re all out of Dilaudid.  How about a lollipop?”  What we wished we could say to the obvisouly drug-seeking patient who thought they were staying at the Hilton and we were nothing but Pez dispensers of IV pain medication.

Forget much?

I have to admit, if I had to choose between an asshole drunk and a pleasantly confused elder, it’s a no-brainer.  Yeah, they may be forgetful, even a bit daffy, but those pleasantly confused LOLs crack me up.  They’re a hoot to work with, and like kids, they say the darndest things…

The other night a colleague of mine had taken one of our LOLs to the bathroom.  They definitely were in the pleasantly confused arena, but like many folks with dementia had moments of true lucidity that shock you.  He gets her to the bathroom and reminds her to pull the call cord when she was ready to head back to bed.  She looks him dead in the eye and says, “I’m going to forget to do that, you know.”

Sure enough, she did.

Another Crazy Allergy

Shared with me by one of my co-workers:

Phenergan.  Only allergic *unless* given with narcotics.

And of course allergies to all the usual suspects zofran, compazine, reglan and morphine.

God, I love people.

New Guilty Pleasure

Let me preface by saying that I’ve lived in towns where Walmart was pretty much the only place to shop and I derived hours and hours of enjoyment while sampling their fine, low-cost, American-made products.  Further more, I find it amusing how there are a great many people in the People’s Republic of Portland who would rather die that shop in Walmart (actual quote folks).  They have obviously never lived where there is not much of a choice.

One thing I always enjoyed about the store was the never-ending parade of WTF? moments.  Seriously, I’ve never seen so many weird/odd/straight out fucked up people as I have while shopping at Walmart.  Hell, that’s half the fun some days!  In the same vein as “Look at this fucking hipster” and “This is why you’re fat” I present my newest guilty pleasure:  The People of Walmart.

It’s only funny because it’s true.

Who is the AMA?

OK, maybe not really, but somedays it sure does feel like it.

At any rate it’s just plain funny.  Best quote?  “If you’re not sick, we’re not doing our job.”

One of Those Weeks

Since it was a full moon this weekend, oh yes, it was a full moon.  I remembered the fun and enjoyment derived from the last full moon.  Oh yes, time for “Fun With the ER Bigboard.”  The rules are simple:  each contestant, er…patient signs in with a “Chief Complaint” which is broadcast on the “Bigboard” that anyone with access to the charting system can see.  And it just so happens us charge nurses look at said Bigboard frequently to prepare for incoming…er, admits.  So here are the winners from the last full moon…

#5: Abdominal Pain/bloody urine (always a crowd favorite)

#4: Chest Pain/cocaine use (yes, Virginia, all that white powder causes your heart to beat really fast)

#3: Possible Labia Abcess (I kind of think this is a lot like pregnancy: it either is, or it ain’t)

#2: Right Buttock Abcess (evidently it was the second half of a matched pair…)

and our winner for this round:

#1: Penis caught in zipper* (ow, ow, ow, ow, ow…)

And now for the bonus round!

Guess which one got admitted?

I’ll give you a hint…think twins.

*Talking with an ER nurse I know, evidently he had a small lac on said member, then when he decided that instead of waiting for the ER doc to get the pliers to “gently” free said member, he tore it out.  Yes, tore it out.  With little bits still left clinging to the zipper was said to have utterd “I was just tired dealing with it, so I took take of it.”  Evidently, he had been imbibing just a little…

Mmmm, swiny

Oh, that was the bacon.

This whole swine flu panic is making me laugh.  Evidently, the local news has just reported the first confirmed cases in Oregon and are in a complete tizzy, breaking in with cue ominous music “Outbreak“.  You would think it was the end of the world.  Even Google Maps is getting in on the action helping to map the cases that have now spread worldwide.

It’s more hysteria than actual sickness.  It’s the flu.  Yes, it kills, but so does pneumonia, alcohol, red meat and driving.  Yes, it’s communicable, but so is syphilis, the common cold and hepatitis.  So let’s all be smart, stop freaking out, wash our hands and cover our mouths when we cough.  And for fucks sake, stay home from work if you’re sick.

So sit back, eat some bacon, drink a cold, frosty adult beverage and watch the world fall apart around us.

Fun With YouTube

I’ve been on a little bit of a sour note of late, and thought I needed to share some fun.

Went and saw it on Saturday night and it was…awesome. Big, dumb, loud, brainless fun. But a great adaptation of the Ironman mythos.

And I’m very excited for these last 2:

There’s a new trailer out in the theaters that’s even better than this. I just hope the movie lives up to the hype and anticipation.

And some local flavor:

Why you should wear a helmet…

Monday Afternoon Fun

I guess Al Gore’s recent Nobel win sparked off a minor bit of furor in the medical blog-o-sphere (not to mention elsewhere) as shown by Scalpel and Shadowfax, I thought we all needed a little bit of lighthearted insanity. Zoobomb style. These guys are nuts. What better way to forget about the depressing issues of global warming, ER overcrowding and health care reform than flying down US 26 into downtown Portland on a mini-bike set to the music of AC/DC? Or having a blast barreling down Maryhill on longboards and mini-bikes? Enjoy.

The Hellway

Maryhill Jam

For what it’s worth, I believe in global warming and that we should do something, even if it seems futile. I haven’t driven to work more than twice in over 8 months, relying on bike and public transit. But that’s me.

Update: Yes, I’m an idiot. For some reason I thought it was Tuesday, only to be corrected by my neighbor that it was Monday. The headline is now corrected…