"I Believe…"

Inspired by of all things the “Blue Collar Comedy Tour”, my version of “I Believe.”
in no particular order:

I believe that at the start of every shift, you’re issued a syringe with the intranasal topper-thingy and 2 mg of Ativan. You can use it on whoever you want; patients, families, colleagues, administrators, even JHACO.

I believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and/or Ativan in large urban centers.

I believe life, like the movies needs a soundtrack. At least then you know when things are getting better, or worse and when you just shouldn’t turn the corner.

I believe that if someone throws poop at you, it is perfectly OK to throw it back.

I believe that hospital administrators should have to work with above poop-throwing patients when considering cutting the budget for nurses, techs, aides etc.

I believe someone needs to invent insulin you can mix with Lantus, IV Tylenol and a medication that clears ammonia out of the system like Lactulose but without the messy side effects.

I believe that when admitted for chest pain, you would not be allowed to leave the floor to smoke, much less request pain medication after leaving the floor to smoke. (especially when you were just fine before you left…)

I believe that once a year you would be allowed to see your assignment for the shift and say, “Nope. Not this time. I’m out.” Or at least ask for a couple of new cards patients.

Most of all:
I believe I’ll have another beer.

Peace and love…


  1. Thanks for your words of encouragement over at patientobservations. I’ve only been a nurse a month and a half and I already whole-heartedly support your ativan policies. Bring on the intranasal sedation!


  2. hilarious! the belief i’d like to add:

    I believe the lucidity of a patient is inversely proportional to the amount of diarrhea that can be produced within a shift.


  3. re: shift assignments;

    I can look up the week’s cafeteria menu on the internet. I always thought they should post the daily assignments too, and then I could just say “I don’t think so”.


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