You’ve heard them on TV, ominous sounding symptoms followed by a plea to see your doctor and ask about “brand X” medication. And sure enough, folks run out to do so. Consumer Reports has a great video blog about this very thing. Thanks to Dr. Wes for the link.
Maybe I should do my own…
Cue eerie music, scenes of people on a busy street:
Are you breathing? Is your heart beating? cue heart sounds
Do you have the strange sensation of wind in your hair, the taste of a good meal or the diversion of a great conversation? video of people riding motorcycles, eating at a nice restaurant, sitting at a coffee shop
Do you get up the morning and sit in your car commuting to a dead-end job? video of congested freeways, office cubicles
Odds are you have a condition called “life.” You see life is a sexually transmitted disease with a terminal outcome but researchers are coming up with ways to not make this so worrisome. cue uplifting music and video of smiling researchers with laboratory equipment If life has got you down, ask your doctor about Fucidol®.
A once daily dose of Fucidol® can ease your worries. It soothes your feelings and makes the thought of a terminal outcome, or any coherent thought at all just distant vague memory.
Fucidol® has been shown to cause tiredness, dizziness, heart palpitation, incontinence, anal leakage, munchies, constipation, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, increased sexual urges, impotence, blindness, altered sense of taste and smell, red eyes, cough, decreased value of your house, anxiety, paranoia and depression. In some cases people have stopped breathing. This is a serious side effect and you should notify your health care provider at once. Certain people should not take Fucidol®.
So ask you doctor if Fucidol® is right for you! And start living like tomorrow doesn’t matter and you don’t care!
cue empowering music and video of happy shiny people, fade to black.
Hmmm… with the writers on strike now, maybe I’ve got a second job?