Diagnostic Uses of a Hershey Bar

As related to me by the nursing supervisor the other night…

Patient presents to the ED with a chief complain of dyspnea.  The doc comes in and starts to look him over.  On exam he notices a large brownish stain on the man’s forehead.  Pointing to it he asks, “What’s this from?”

“Well you see doc, I was feelin’ like I might have ah feevah’ but Ah don’t have no thermometer.  But my cousin said she had chocolate bar though.  We figured if we put that up to my head there, it would tell me if Ah had a feevah’.”

Now I’m no rocket scientist, but how does one determine body temp from a Hershey bar?  Is how quickly it melts?  But wait it gets better…

“So besides the fever, you say you’re pretty short of breath.”  The ED doc continues, noticing that the patient is breathing about 22-24a minute, labored, sats in the toilet.

“Yeah.  I was having a little problem breathing at home too. I was watching the tee-vee and saw that the mountain climbers were smoking because they were having a hard time breathing.  So I sent my cousin out to get me a pack of smokes.  Thought it would make me feel better”

“Do you normally smoke?” asked the doc.

“Naw, but since I saw it on the tee-vee,  thought it might work.  So I had a couple.  But it didn’t work so good, so I came heah.”

I’m sitting here wondering, maybe we could get Materials to stock Hershey bars instead of thermometers and smokes instead of non-rebreather masks.  It works on the tee-vee don’t it?

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