At Work Stand-Up Comedy

You know it’s going to be a good night when you ask your 80 year old female patient how they’re doing and she looks up at you and says, “I feel kind of raunchy.”

“What do you mean?”  I ask.

“Right here,” points at stomach, “The food here is terrible, I just feel a little raunchy.”

“Tums on the way!”


Better when the 70+ demented guy calls for help as he has to “Go drop a deuce!”


WHen you’re sitting for a moment and the whole station is a-twitter about the patient in the ED with a “FB Rectum”.  It’s gets worse when you find out said FB is a vibrator.  Worse still is when our half-crazy Fillipino nurse goes, “I listen to bowel sounds and all I hear are bees!”

OK, maybe you had to have been there.



  1. Reminds me of last week when getting report: “He has a 1:1 sitter, but if you even avert your eyes when he’s toileting he eats his poo and drinks his pee”. How long were the eyes averted??? “Two seconds. Honest. He points it straight up and drinks”. What did you do??? “Told him we don’t do that” What did he say? “Well what the hell am I SUPPOSED to do with it?!!!” Ummm….flush?


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