New Ways to Classify Urine





All so boring.  So trite and normal.  There has got to be a better, more descriptive way to classify it.  Hmmm…

How about beer?  Stay with me here.

Cloudy, amber with a slightly frothy head.  Could be a nice IPA or a patient with high bilirubin.  Am I right?  I live in a town that prides itself on its beer.  Hell, we call it “Beervana” and has the most breweries per capita.  We can call it the Portland Urine Scale, or “the P.U.S.”

You have:

Pilsner.  Clear, yellow.

Blonde Ale.  Cloudy.

Lager.  Concentrated, still clear.

IPA.  Amber, hazy.

Stout.  WTF?!

It’s not a perfect system, but it makes giving report more fun.  “Yeah, I’d say it was like a light IPA, not too amber, hazy and it smelled strong.”  Engaging, creative and descriptive, what a great way to share information?



  1. Ok, OK. I had to provide a urine sample for a preemployment drug screening, and having drank copious amount of water beforehand, mine was “Sprite-like clear”. :))


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